A new job is almost always exciting due to new challenges, better opportunities and hopefully better pay. But you don’t want to be stuck in a job that won’t deliver for you, otherwise what’s the point? You might as well stay where you are and suck up your current terrible work environment, or even take a mini-retirement to your couch like Tim Ferrets may have recommended in the Four Hour Work Week.
When meeting with Prospective New Work Opportunity (PNWO), treat it like you’re a private investigator or that sensitive hitman (Avi) from Ray Donovan – scope out the environment for potential telltale signs that it might not be right for you. Here are some (tongue-in-cheek) initial signs to look out for:
- You arrive for your job interview and the executive board are being handcuffed by government agents.
- The boss casually suggests that, at some point, you might have to stuff a condom filled with diamonds into your anus on a business trip. (Might also include mention of a performance bonus.)
- An employee pulls a flick-knife on you in a toilet cubicle.
- They have suicide nets outside the building windows.
- There are there more than four boardrooms (AKA prison cells) in the building.
- Your potential new boss greets you with a hug, then gently caresses your thighs and sighs into your neck.
- It smells like everyone in the office has stepped in dog shit.
- Team building exercises involve nudity. Staff call it “an opportunity for growth” then wink and mime an erect penis hand gesture.
- The financial director asks if you can loan him some cash for a hot dog across the road, then starts crying and runs into traffic screaming.
- Someone arrives at the workplace strapped with handguns and semi-automatic rifles, firing randomly at middle management.
There are many more signs that you shouldn’t take that job at that place, but these are some of the most relevant according to research at the current date. Good luck with your decision.